Post dated: 3 Aug 2022
Dear Internet,
My third year of university is starting, and I’ve been feeling both sentimental about how far I’ve come and anxious about life after university, so I wanted to vent.
2 Years of Dread and Impostor Syndrome
I’m admittedly not the sharpest saw in the shed. I’m a pretty mediocre student all things considered. Getting to university at all took the most gruelling, depressing 2 years of Junior College. (And my soul.) It was there, though, that I discovered an interest in programming after (admittedly uncharacteristically) signing up for a beginner summer programming course where I learned Ruby.
(It’s a little poetic that this site was made with a static generator that was written in Ruby, I think.)
Now I’m 2 years into chasing a degree in Information Engineering and Media.
(I just tell people I’m studying Computer Science, Computer Engineering, and Media for brevity because that’s what it essentially boils down to)
2 Years of Sleepless Nights and Caffeine Dependency
(With 2 more to go)
I started university smack dab in the middle of the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic. In Singapore, we had some pretty severe lockdowns. A big majority of all my classes were held digitally, either live through video conferencing, or via recorded lecture. I thought it was really depressing, and I felt that it was super difficult to learn without anyone keeping you accountable.
My orientation was held entirely online, too – meaning I ended up not knowing anyone and not knowing my way around school, and essentially had no guidance with anything school related.
The lockdown was rough.
When my second year started was when my lockdown-worsened social anxiety started to ease up – now that restrictions were being eased. I still don’t know a lot of people, and I can only barely call the people that I have met “acquaintances”, but it was a start.
My grades have pretty significantly improved too – but not without the occasional regular and regrettable coffee fuelled late-nights.
I have a penchant for fluctuating between super low and super high motivation, and my circadian rhythm took quite the beating, though
things would a lot more severe if it weren’t for my lovely girlfriend. My health would probably be a lot worse if she wasn’t here to keep me in check.
2 More Years and then…
I think things are looking up for me. I’m coming into the next one strong, with a fair bit of motivation, my sleep schedule fixed, my caffeine dependency shaken off (cold turkey), and my girlfriend getting into the same uni I did. Things will be a lot less lonely now.
But as graduation approaches I’ve been anxious over the thought about not being a student anymore – which is natural, I think. I’ve been a student all my life, and to suddenly not be one would be a big change, to say the least.
No matter what happens, though, I’ll try to do my best.
Thanks for reading.
Signed, yu-no